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Still Even More Bizarre World Short Tales

I'm second from the left, back in the days before I went straight, when I was an enforcer for the
notorious Clown Cartel. We extorted dues from every birthday party clown operating in Ohio, Indiana, and Kentucky.

Still Even More Bizarre World Short Tales


Andrew Jackson's Parrot


   At  Andrew Jackson's funeral in 1845, his pet parrot had to be removed because it cussed when the preacher said anything good about the president. Jackson was a fighter and a drinker who loved to punch people bigger than he was when he got drunk. He once made the mistake of swinging at 6'8"  275 pound frontiersman Simon Kenton while in Kentucky. When Kenton knocked him across the room with one punch, Jackson stayed down and lived to become President. Had he pressed the issue, Kenton would have probably killed him. A cussing parrot for Jackson would have been a normal pet. 
  (I once heard of a guy who kept a parrot in his garage and it started cussing whenever he opened the toolbox to work on a car.)


Hockey
  13 out of 24 hockey player deaths in 2011 were players in their 30s or under.
  One could assume hockey is dangerous as hell.
  Wade Belak, 35; Derek Boogaard, 28; Roger Christian, 75; Pavol Demitra, 36; Nick Harbaruk, 67; Harley Hotchkiss, 83; Jaroslav Jirik, 71; Alexander Karpovtsev, 41; Igor Korolev, 41; Stefan Liv, 30; Rick Martin, 59; Brad McCrimmon, 52; EJ McGuire, 58; Eddy Palchak, 71; Karel Rachunek, 32; Rick Rypien, 27; Ruslan Salei, 36; Mandi Schwartz, 23; Karlis Skrastins, 37; Sven Tumba, 80; Josef Vasicek, 30; Alexander Vasyunov, 23; Les "Doc" Widdifield, 86; Johnny Wilson, 82.


About To Get His Life Together...
 But Got Shot Dead Because He Pointed A Gun At Police Section
  Pittman was no stranger to law enforcement. He had a lengthy criminal record that included 12 misdemeanors, 15 felonies, 53 traffic violations, five felony weapon charges, four felony violence charges with nine misdemeanor convictions and five felony convictions. But...he was about to get his life together and run for city office.
(They should have thought long and hard before shooting this productive citizen just because he pointed a gun at them. Now, they have to lay five people off who were just working on the cases created by this one person crime spree.)

Something Is Backwards
  Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
  Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
  (So how come we don't have gazelles, lions, and elephants roaming around?) 

Pay Your Monthly Dues, Please
  At Miami University this organization has everything covered:
  The campus' Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Transgender Queer-Straight Alliance organized a "Unite Miami: Love is our Resistance" event.

We're Gonna Have Peace If We Have To Kill Everybody To Do It
  In Rome, during the occupy protests, some peaceful demonstrators turned against the violent group of demonstrators and tried to stop them by hurling bottles at them, Sky and the ANSA news agency reported. Others fled, scared by the violence.
  (Figure the logic in this: stop the violence by throwing bottles. Hmm, they have a funny way of being peaceful. Reminds me of the Vietnam War: In order to save the village, we had to destroy it.)





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