Still More Bizarre Tales Of Real Life
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| You would never hear someone say, "Hey, he looks like old whats-his-face" about this armed robber. |
When You Die
When a person dies,
hearing is generally the last sense to go. The first sense lost is usually
sight. Then follows taste, smell, and touch. That's why I'll never be cremated.
Hell, you might feel it. And if your hearing is last to go, and no one knows
how long it takes because no one comes back from the dead, you may be able to
hear everyone talking about you while you are in the coffin. At some point
you'll probably hear, he looks good,
doesn't he? It would suck to look better after you're dead than while you
were alive.
During the years that
the TSA has been screening passengers, none of its employees anywhere has
discovered a single terrorist. I imagine
it's because they are not allowed to search anyone who may fit the profile of a
terrorist because they have to be politically correct. So they search old
ladies and children. It should be enough to make any sane person pull their
hair out. The people in charge of this stuff are nuts.
Nutmeg is extremely
poisonous if injected intravenously. Like
someone would want to do that. There was a guy in my outfit in Vietnam who
got cans of nutmeg sent from home. I asked why because that was kind of weird.
"I mix it in a
canteen of water and down it," he said. "I either get high as hell or
I puke, and I never know which one will happen." The time I saw him do it,
he went and puked. Now, that's a drug addict personality.
If a statue in the
park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in
battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result
of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the
person died of natural causes. If the horse is sitting down, the person died of
being married to a nagging woman.
Navy Seal Shoots Self In Head And Dies
San Diego police said the Seal had been at a bar and returned to
his apartment with a female companion, who he started showing several guns.
Police said when she asked him to put them away, he assured her they were safe.
He then put one pistol to his head and pulled the trigger, firing a round into
his head, police said. (After all that
training they forgot to inform him that you never put a gun to your head and
pull the trigger, especially after you've been drinking and trying to impress a
woman.)
Awesome collection of weirdness Dennis!
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