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New Important Vaccine Released Today


GWN News: Washington
Government Says Any Symptom Should Be Considered Malaria

A new vaccine push was announced today by the CDC and Federal Government, with the release of 750 million doses of a new preventive Malaria shot named FU714B (Xzopholene  thermosis). The new shot has been given the nickname Big Sting because the needle is 7 inches long and the shot must be given in the hip or stomach to be absorbed.  Despite the fact that malaria is caused by a mosquito usually only found in extreme tropical environments and is not contagious and there are no reported cases in the United States except among refugees, the government and drug manufacturers claim that any symptom of anything should be considered to be malaria.

"You can never be too sure," an unidentified source, not authorized to speak about it, said. "That skin rash or that sudden cough could possibly be malaria. That itchy eye or ear could be the deadly infection."

The source also said the vaccine is not covered under the Affordable Care Act, but it will be mandatory beginning May 1 or the cost (125.00) will be taken from Income Tax Refunds on 2014 returns.

"Sure it's painful," the source said. "And there may be adverse effects, but the safety and good health of the nation depends on it. Now you know one reason why all those FEMA camps exist."

Side effects may include swollen stomach, rash, headache, distorted vision, fever, chills, joint pain, stomach cancer, limp noodle, and sudden death. The first shots will begin on Tuesday, April 1, which will now be known as Malaria Day instead of the usual April Fools Day.


The new shot will be difficult to take, but the government knows best
what is good for you.

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